A self-professed ‘people pleaser,’ mental health therapist Angela Di Paola pivoted her mindset to not only manage the limitation of ‘PP’ but to help others set boundaries and value themselves more.
Empathetic, down-to-earth, and confident are three words that would best describe mindset coach Angela Di Paola. But at one time, one trait that had a grip on her was overly focusing on the well-being of others. As Di Paola described it, it was like ‘an addiction.’ “I joke that I’m a people-pleasing addict,” she says. “For as long as I can remember, I’ve always put everyone else’s needs before mine – often to my detriment.”
That ‘addiction’ led to health struggles for the Montreal, Quebec native. Even then, Di Paola’s old habits stuck around until a succession of near burnouts forced her to change her mindset. “That was not the kind of life I wanted to live,” she shares.
Di Paola made it her mission to help others avoid the same limitations, which in an ironic roundabout way, helped put herself first – and at the same time, feeling fulfilled that she was positively impacting others.
But where exactly does the longing to ‘people please’ originate? For Di Paola herself, it stemmed from a feeling of not being ‘enough’ and the need to receive validation from others rather than listening to her inner voice.
“Often,” she explains, “it stems from childhood experiences and a belief we develop that we only have worth if others validate us. If I do things to make others happy, people will like me and if they like me, then I’ll be good enough.”
The problem is that ‘people pleasers’ never end up feeling good enough. Often they feel overwhelmed, resentful, and as though they have lost sight of who they truly are. On some level they recognize that ‘people pleasing’ is the reason they feel this way and that they need to break this habit.
But envisioning change and taking actionable steps are worlds apart. “People want to make a change, but change can be frightening,” says Di Paola, “What if they end up in a worse spot than where they started? What if they try and they don’t get better? What if they can’t? What if they are hopeless? These are very common worries.” As their self-development coach, cheerleader, and number 1 fan, Di Paola looks to uncover the hero in her clients – removing that fear and uncertainty that paralyzes people.
“The tools I use,” she explains, “depend on what resonates most with that specific client. One impactful method could be ‘inner child work.’ It brings the client back to when their ‘people pleasing’ tendency originated. In connecting the client to their inner child and showing that inner child love and acceptance, the client starts to see themselves with compassion and love. This is where profound healing occurs.”
Another method Di Paola uses is the “Get back to you” approach. Here she encourages her clients to resist impulsively saying ‘yes’ when asked something, and instead reflect on what they actually want to do.’ “This approach allows my clients to be in touch with their inner voice so that they can act in alignment with who they truly are and live the life they want to live.”
Di Paola helps clients get unstuck with what she terms as her ‘superpowers.’ These are a set of skills that allow her to fully connect to a client, zeroing in on their specific issues.
“Knowing someone is truly present to support them through their journey in a non-judgmental way, makes a huge difference especially for those who have been feeling lost and alone in their journey,” she explains.
With her ability to see patterns in people that they themselves don’t see, she can then take complicated concepts and approach it in a way that makes sense to the client. Di Paola then helps her clients create actionable steps that resonate with them and that can be transferable to everyday life.
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Are you a high-achieving businesswoman but are too preoccupied with pleasing others which leads to anxiety, overwhelming, and unhappiness? If so, reach out to Angela Di Paola and take advantage of her superpowers.
Angela Di Paola’s book, “That’s Life..Or is it? A Woman’s Guide to Discovering Lasting Happiness and Fulfillment,” is an insightful and practical guide, focusing on the unique challenges women face. It offers valuable advice and strategies for finding happiness and fulfillment, blending Di Paola’s professional insights with relatable, real-life scenarios.
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